The last 2.5 months have seen me going through some personal struggles and some self-realization about those struggles. The battle has mostly been silent and internal. The battle shows up in how I feel and how I look (at least with my facial expressions). It affects what I get done day-to-day. Through this latest struggle, I have come to be reminded of God’s unending, unrelenting love for me and that He knows all of the struggles that I have gone through my entire life.
There have been times of depression and times of tears that were so healing. Oh were the tears healing. Finding the index card a friend wrote that said “Don’t forget, I LOVE YOU – God”, ball my eyes out. Hearing “He Knows” by Jeremy Camp, eyes water the first time, flood the third time. Listening to a church service on “Keys to Experiencing God” and losing it half way through the music. (There are approximately four more parts to go in that sermon series before I start the next one so we’ll see what God does there.)
I want more of God yet struggle to actually live that way. Since August when I found the index card, I have had Jeremiah 29:13 in my head. Today as I was listening to the introductory sermon on experiencing God, the pastor mentioned Jeremiah 29:11-13. That was not a coincidence. I continue to struggle and am fighting the spiritual warfare of this week and especially today. I am determined to not have the depression kick in that happens during these struggles.
There is always hope with Jesus and I know I can trust Him despite my struggles to the contrary. I know I am loved by a God who will never give up and always provides everything I need plus the occasional want. I will continue to pray and remember that “He knows every hurt & every sting”* because He has been there.
*from “He Knows” by Jeremy Camp & Seth Moseley ©2014